Conversation with school

Conversation with school

 

On one hand I felt very emotional towards school because of the peculiar reception of tante Daphne and me by the headmaster on that terrible sixteenth February 2009. Also the letter which he wrote to the parents of the children from your classes made me furious. In some way he expressed that it was not a kidnapping, but that it was really mamma who abused you. And it really felt as if he suggested we had abused you too. No empathy at all. It was so terribly difficult to undergo such a receipt, when you just heard the three of you were kidnapped, and later that such a terrible letter was sent to parents, while mamma was still in hospital. He gave the letter to the parents without asking us permission and without telling those parents that the three of you were kidnapped. It made me extremely angry.

But on the other hand, I also wanted to hear the story from the side of the school. And that’s why, this sad sad day we got mamma’s urn with her ashes, I had the courage to phone school to ask for a conversation. School wanted a conversation too, and for this reason we made an appointment for the twentieth of May 2009. We decided not to record the conversations any longer, because of the problems the people normally have with recording.

 

Reception

It was strange to walk a second time to the building where I always picked you up from school. No more Mirabelle, no more Lucas, no more Robin on the playground or in the building. Only a conversation about all what happened here before the three of you were taken to the US.

It struck me that the contact person, Mrs. Van H., was so emotional and cried and said she liked mamma so much, that they could have been girl-friends because they shared the same kind of humor. That Mr. Van der B., the headmaster, and she had experienced the conversation with Jeugdzorg as terrible. Especially because of the things which were told about mamma’s past in prostitution and her borderline diagnosis. They had the feeling that they ought not to be there at that moment, had the feeling they wanted to close their ears instead of listening to the accusations of Jeugdzorg. And they thought it was so typical mamma, that even in that very situation mamma was looking for solutions instead of becoming more than angry about the false accusations of her ex. Mrs. Van H. also wanted to go to mamma in hospital to ascertain mamma she was a good mother, but Mrs. X. of Jeugdzorg said that that wouldn’t be professional. Then already it appeared that school did not dare to do anything without the permission of Mrs. X. of Jeugdzorg. We noticed already earlier that Mrs. X. and Mr. G. of Jeugdzorg had a great influence on the Boddaert too.

Then, during this conversation on the twentieth of May, Mrs. Van H. still wanted to make on our request an educational report about you for your new American school with a note that the three of you were kidnapped. However, this report was never written.

I wanted Mrs. Van H. had come to hospital. It would have been good for us to feel sympathy from school instead of that terrible obedience to Mrs. X. of Jeugdzorg. It would have been good that she had shown more resistance to this Mrs. X, who took the lead in the horror-film which followed before and after mamma’s death. When one person would have had the courage to act against that terrible behavior and strategy of Mrs. X., everything might have gone totally different.

 

Past history

Mrs. Van H. told how you were at school. It always went well with you except some little everyday things. It was in October that she had a conversation with mamma about her attempt to suicide. Then mamma told Mrs. Van H. about her fragility. Mamma told about my helping her and the children. She said her contact with the kidnapper was good, because they have contact via the mail to confer on the children.

Mrs. Van H. thought Mirabelle socially interested, sweet, she did well in the class, was beloved in the class, was attentive, social, intelligent.

Lucas was intelligent and clever, but needed a clear structure, as he was constantly trying out where the boundaries were. Was very much longing for more information about matters. School had a good contact with the Boddaert about Lucas. Mrs. Van H. declared she didn’t need pedagogical tips in the situation at school.

Robin was able playing concentratedly in the class. He liked to draw on the blackboard, to play at the computer and also liked to do small tasks. Sometimes he wanted to play on his own. Robin was creative and expressive. He often suggested a solution when there was a little problem, and he had a special line of approaching problems. It was sometimes difficult to follow him in his phantasy. He was clownish and liked to entertain. Was often looking for contact with the teacher. Was beloved in the class.

All three are interested, social children who are clearly accustomed to consider the circumstances, to think them over.

 

How did the kidnapper behave in the time before the kidnapping?

When the kidnapper had been in Dordrecht one week, he arranged a conversation with Robin’s teacher to ask how Robin was doing at school. The teacher arranged a conversation with him for Thursday. This conversation was short and superficial. She told that Robin had a lot of phantasy. The phantasy was not a point of care but she would keep an eye on it. The kidnapper was reacting laconically: he was imaginative and creative too. And she told that Robin showed a decline in the field of language and that she would keep an eye on that too.

Was the kidnapper laconically that Thursday, the Monday after he wasn’t at all. Suddenly he was very concerned about the children. He expressed this in a conversation with Mrs. Van H. and the headmaster. The kidnapper said Judith is very fragile and that he was concerned about the children. The kidnapper expressed vague concerns about Robin. “afterwards when I reflect his behavior he was looking for food with us to continue his smear campaign towards Judith”, Mrs. Van H. said. Mrs. Van H. told the kidnapper she had a good contact with mamma and never caught alarming signals from the children. The kidnapper asked, what school will do with his concerns. Mrs. Van H. told him he had to take his own responsibility if he wanted to make mention of his concerns.

When Mrs. Van H. talked it over with the headmaster, they doubted his complaint and thought his behavior claiming. The next days the kidnapper would often approach the teachers just at the moment the lessons would start. He often approached the headmaster and Mrs. Van H. and was “very present”, as Mrs. Van H. called it.

Another time, the kidnapper approached the headmaster and Mrs. Van H. again, expressing his concerns about the children for the second time, saying school should come into operation. He became angry when they won’t do anything. Mrs. Van H. told him again he is responsible himself. And then she explained him how the protocol of school works: we only come into operation as we hear a complaint of a child him/herself……… Mrs. Van H. gave him the telephone-number of Jeugdzorg……..

 

And then

And then Mirabelle went crying to her teacher. She told it was terrible at home. That William, mamma’s friend, is beating and especially her. That William is angry to her and her little brothers. But very often to her. He also is very severe. She is positive about Judith. “Mamma is sometimes severe. She then doesn’t know what to do, but she is meaning well.” (This is different from what Mrs. Van H. told before, because then in “the conversation” with mamma, she said mamma was beating Mirabelle. It is a terrible difference, because among others this was what hurt mamma in such a terrible way. Then in that very conversation Mrs. Van H. told that Mirabelle said it was mamma who was beating her so much. The next conversation with school on the eleventh of June I would come back to this difference, but then Mrs. Van H. was behaving quite differently. A terrible mistake, which was very negative for mamma! I myself had the idea, that the last version was typical Mirabelle’s. I never could imagine she said the first version.)

We always see a causal connection between Mrs. Van H.’s explanation of the school-protocol and Mirabelles complaint about her mam to her teacher. In our interpretation you were driven to go, Mirabelle, in order to underline the complaint of the kidnapper to succeed in his next action: the kidnapping. A terrible mean action of the kidnapper. For mamma, but also for you, dear Mirabelle, this action was deciding for the situation that developed. Especially because this action would have such  heavy consequences together with the false accusations of a so-called American pediatrician.

And the kidnapper? He told that he went to Jeugdzorg to make mention of a complaint against mamma.

 

Appointment

Mrs. Van H. wanted to talk the complaint over with mamma. She didn’t have a good feeling about this all. She called mamma, but didn’t tell her the kidnapper lodged a complaint of child-abuse by her. No, she said, she wanted to talk about the good results of arithmetic of Mirabelle. She thought, that appointment would be the good moment to talk about the complaint. She arranged the appointment for Tuesday the seventeenth of February. She has to make mention then of the complaint of school to Jeugdzorg, but first, before she would do that, she wanted to talk it over with mamma.

 

After the kidnapping

It was in the night of the sixteenth February that the kidnapper called mamma to say her that she would never see her children anymore, because she was mentally ill. Then Boddaert and Jeugdzorg also heard that you were kidnapped. So also Jeugdzorg. And this awful organization decided to be present at the conversation between Mrs. Van H. and mamma that Tuesday the seventeenth of February. I so often whished Mrs. X. wouldn’t have decided to have “this conversation”.

 

 

 

 

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