Mamma’s birthday

Today, the nineteenth of November 2018, mamma would have become fourty two years old. Here a beautiful photo of her as a remembrance.

 

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Lucas 17 years old

Many happy returns of this day dear Lucas. We wish you all the happiness of the world with good friends, health, enough food and drinks and everything you need.

Look at these photos of youI found them in a photo-album of tante Daphne. Tante Daphne took these photos in the first time of your life, when you were still with us in Hooge Zwaluwe. It was the time before your father and mother went with Mirabelle and you to Australia. Tante Daphne wanted to make a series of you as little baby as she did with Mirabelle, but…….you were so cold and I still remember that not anything made you more angry than coldness. And it was February. Winter. To cold for such a series you thought. So the smile on your face disappeared and you started to….cry. But we still have these nice photos to show you.

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The statement of the Boddaert

For me the most important in the conversations and the actions we had, was to prove that mamma didn’t abuse you. So that we could witness in the States. That mamma only loved you and didn’t abuse you at all. That there was not any reason to kidnap the three of you.

Suzanne and William didn’t find any signals mamma abused you. I was already very happy with that. But that was not enough, as we would discover soon.

But back to the Monday after the conversation with the Boddaert. We got a phone-call from the manager of the Boddaert. She was afraid that Suzanne and William told us too much in the conversation and that the kidnapper would make fuss of that. We then still were mistaken about the kidnapper’s custody over Lucas, because he was born in Antwerp. We had the idea then that the kidnapper had the joint custody over Lucas together with mamma. Later on, it appeared that mamma had the sole custody over all three of you. The kidnapper only recognized you as his children but he hadn’t got any official power about you. Mamma was the only legal educator. The kidnapper only was your biological father. Because the manager was afraid the kidnapper would sue the Boddaert, she asked us to sign a declaration we won’t tell to thirds about the content of the conversation. I said we would and asked the Boddaert for an official statement how they experienced mamma. She promised and the twenty third of June 2009 we received the next statement of the Boddaert about mamma.

It was mamma who asked for help for Lucas and herself. First with Bavo Europoort and later with the Boddaert.

It was mamma who was very open about her problems in the education and who worked hard on it to improve. She developed skills to punish and reward the three of you.

Mamma wanted so dearly to get a better contact with Lucas and she succeeded. She was not longer concerned that Lucas often preferred to play alone. It went much better between mamma and Lucas.

Mamma was longing for a future with her new friend William and asked the Boddaert for help, because William was not accustomed to children.

Mamma was giving the kidnapper all the possibilities to be in contact with you as your father. She considered your interests to be more important than her own interest.

 

 

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September 2018

September 2018

Two and a half week after mamma’s cremation we had two emotional conversations in one week. One conversation was with Jeugdzorg at the 20th of April and the other conversation was with the for you well-known William and Suzanne of the Boddaert at the 24th of April. Afterwards it was striking that they didn’t sympathize with us, despite our loss of mamma and you. Maybe it was, because we were not very amused they let the kidnapper go to a hotel with the three of you, without informing mamma or the police. Maybe they were afraid we would officially accuse them of it. 

William tells about his contact with the kidnapper in those four weeks before the kidnapping

William thought the kidnapper a very kind man. At first, he only talked about Lucas. William told that Lucas was developing positively. This positive development was also confirmed by a test. It also appeared that Lucas was able to concentrate better on things. Then William asked the kidnapper how it went at home. The kidnapper said he was concerned about Judith. Especially about her new partner, so William. He thought the children felt inhibited by him. Also, the kidnapper had the opinion that Judith was inhibited by him.

The conversation between Suzanne and the kidnapper

Suzanne had a conversation with the kidnapper because of his expressed concerns about Judith and her partner with William. The kidnapper asked her if she would keep it a secret. She said she hadn’t. He told her, Judith slapped the children sometimes and that he was afraid that when he would come to live in the Netherlands, he would not be allowed to see the children. When the kidnapper showed the passports of the children, Suzanne warned he mustn’t kidnap the children, because that was liable to punishment.

We also wonder why she thought of kidnapping. Did the kidnapper express already something of his plans to her? 

The kidnapper asked for a hotel

For us the next is very strange: the kidnapper who came with the three of you with the Boddaert asking for a hotel. Here follows a part of the conversation.

Oma:                    When was that?

Suzanne:             It was Thursday or Friday before the weekend he took the children to America. He asked for a hotel.

Daphne:              With whom?

William:               He came here during we had the group of children busy here. He asked the groups-direction if they knew a hotel in the neighborhood. The direction was thinking a moment if it was sensible to cooperate with him. They discussed it within the team and they answered him we don’t want to cooperate with him. Then he was sent to the VVV, I believe.

Daphne:              For someone who comes already for four years in the Netherlands….he was not able to find a hotel himself. But….how did you….It was very queer, isn’t it?

Suzanne:             I phoned our manager and she said: ”You did it well and don’t do anything more.”

Daphne:              Why didn’t you inform Judith? For us this is bewildering to hear. Judith was the mother. You…There comes a man who says how he will take away the children. Why didn’t you inform the police?

Neither Suzanne nor William saw signals of abuse

Suzanne:             We as Judith’s and Lucas coaches discussed the concern the kidnapper expressed about a possible abuse of Judith’s children. We decided we hadn’t received any signal of it. But of course, I am dependent of observing them during only one time. For instance I didn’t know of Judith’s effort of suicide in October last year. I didn’t know anything about it. But of what I saw of the family situation, it didn’t concern me.

Oma:                    Neither did you William?

Daphne:              That was also my question. Have you ever noticed something with Lucas?

William:               No.

Daphne:              Yes, he was the problem child in the family. Of course it is not very plausible, that the problem child would not be slapped and the other children will.

Opa:                      Did Lucas never say: “I have been slapped?”

William:               No.

Daphne:              No signals of it?

William:               No. Then you would certainly pick it up.

Daphne:              No, that’s why you are here.

Suzanne:             No, on the other hand, Judith was very honest. She said, she sometimes had a difficult situation in which she really didn’t know what to do. And also she was honest about the fact that she had difficulties with Lucas from the start.

What Suzanne was saying here was very important, because mamma was too open and too honest to abuse you. Exactly the same Anne van den Berg of the Centrum Internationale Kinderontvoeringen was saying. When mamma was really abusing you, she wouldn’t be so open about her problems with Lucas.

Certainly you, Mirabelle, will not have forgotten the effort of suicide of mamma in October 2008. That evening mamma played a game with you. When you lay in bed, mamma drank too much wine and swallowed too many pillows. William was calling me, when he found her that evening. I immediately came and we called 112. Mamma was brought to hospital, and fortunately she was saved. But you, Mirabelle, was totally upset to see your mamma pale as death lying on the couch. As I said you played a game with mamma and maybe you didn’t trust the situation, because you came walking in your sleep to take a shower and awoke. So I found mamma and you. Mamma on the couch and you crying loudly. I kept you close to me, covered you with my red jacket and when mamma was in hospital you stayed sitting on my lap shivering with cold, crying loudly for certainly one quarter of an hour. Then you wanted to go to bed and I stayed with you till you fell asleep, while William was with mamma in hospital. What was the reason mamma wanted to commit suicide then? During the afternoon she was allowed to work on the computer of a well-known girl-friend of her. She discovered a favorite website of the partner of the girl-friend. It was a website to send for escort-girls. Mamma was totally shocked. Of course her PTSS was fussing. In a letter she wrote, she couldn’t trust any man. The next day I said you were allowed to tell it to your teacher. Mamma was not so glad with it, but you did. In the early morning we made the arrangement to don’t tell it to Lucas and Robin. I said to them that mamma was in hospital, because she swallowed the wrong medicines and that she would return. They accepted it and stayed quiet. Up till now I am astonished that the kidnapper didn’t talk about this effort of suicide, because that was really concerning. Mamma and William however wanted to keep silent about it, because that effort of suicide would give problems with Child Protection. 

No signals of the kidnapping with William

Oma:                    Did you have any signals the kidnapper was preparing a kidnapping?

William:               No. That distrust of him was quite a surprise for me…that he suddenly wanted a hotel…that came out of the blue, for before that, I had not the feeling or I didn’t catch up any signals at all….that he was planning this….not at all.

Blaming Judith to use Mirabelle as a kind of Cinderella

Daphne:              He blamed Judith to use Mirabelle as her Cinderella, but he let go home Mirabelle with her little brother by bus. And then let go them alone in that neighborhood where Judith lives.

Heleen:               So Mirabelle had to go alone with Robin, while she was only eight years old. Of course he could have brought Mirabelle and Robin with him to pick up Lucas here with the Boddaert.

William:               It sometimes happened Mirabelle and Robin were here too. Then he let play them some time, while he talked with me about the group. But it is true, that he was sometimes alone too.

                               As I said before to Jeugdzorg, it was I who said to Judith that the three of you could do little tasks like clearing out the toys or making the bed. Mamma was so busy and in that way you could help her a little bit, I thought. But this responsibility the kidnapper gave to Mirabelle I didn’t think wise. 

William’s phone-call with Lucas

Lucas called William. He said he missed William very much. William deliberately was talking about

simple things. Lucas said they still lived in a hotel and that he thought that very small, but that they

would move shortly. He didn’t know if he liked all. He missed William and the children from school, further he didn’t miss anyone. He thought it difficult to talk English at school. William hadn’t the idea Lucas did realize well his mother has died.

I said Lucas was a special boy and that it went much better with him now. Also William thought you a special boy Lucas and he expressed he liked you. I asked William if he would please keep contact with you, Lucas, but Suzanne said there was no money for that anymore. They had to close the dossier. Suzanne said Mirabelle was busy with a mail to us. And she said the kidnapper was angry with us, because we said that he withhold the children from us.

After all I must say it was a curious conversation: on the one hand they let go the kidnapper with the three of you, but on the other hand they said they didn’t think mamma abused you. It was some days later that we got a strange call of the manager of Suzanne and William. I will tell more about that the other time.

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Important to know

 

Anne van den Berg, our contact-woman of the International Center of Child Abduction in the Netherlands, said to me that I was not quite right with the expiring of the Dutch Citizenship.

Yes after ten years your Dutch Citizenship will expire, but only ten years after you have reached the age of eighteen years. So until you are twenty eight you are still Dutch. With a Dutch current passport you can rectify your Dutch Citizenship again for another ten years.

Anne also said you have a right of grant to study here, because you are still Dutch citizens. Maybe it is worth to consider to study in the Netherlands. Certainly, because many lectures in the Netherlands are given in English.

We will also look if you have still a right for a kind of allowance for orphans, because when mamma died your father was not officially in the Netherlands and was not officially your father. So mamma was the only parent, who was earning money. We will inquire.

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August 2018

August 2018

What followed was a very chaotic and emotional conversation. I want to tell you everything of it, but I have to set it in order, for else it is not to follow. Sometimes I will show what really was said, but because of the chaotic structure of this emotional conversation I have limited the conversation. Imagine that tante Daphne and I saw the people who made such big mistakes! Imagine that we just lost four beloved persons and were very concerned about you. Imagine that we realized the big mistakes Jeugdzorg made, then already, and you can understand in what kind of mood tante Daphne and I were.

But… imagine you were the persons who made these big mistakes. Four persons lost by a mistake of your side. And your organization hasn’t a very good imago. What should you do? How will these persons react? Mrs. X, who had the conversation with mamma and opa and me, how will she react? And her manager, Mr. G., the responsible person for all this? How will these persons react to our accusations then and how will they react later?

 

First reaction

The manager started to express that it was an utmost dramatic event. For everyone: for the children, for mamma, for the family. And he wanted to look which juridical possibilities there still are for us to contact you. He was not very happy with the fact that we recorded this conversation: they were not allowed to speak with us because we were not your parents. But he thought it very important, he said, to look at what the children need in this situation. “It is a drama”, he said, “that these children are in America.”

Tante Daphne: “And you could have prevented this. So much the more dramatic it is.”

Mr. G.: “It is a drama, when you lose your mother and these children are sitting with an age-old sense of guilt.”

Mrs. X.: “Yes, but we have to follow the rules. First, we had to have a conversation with the mother and then we will have an inquiry. That is the normal procedure.”

By the way, it was very good we recorded this conversation to see that Jeugdzorg was lying many times. Despite we lose everything we can prove that Jeugdzorg lied.

 

The rules

You see that already at the start of this conversation Mrs. X. talks about the rules. It looks like she was not able to reflect her actions herself. It looks like that for her the goal of their work is to obey the rules. Crazy rules in the case of this kidnapping and that’s why we react like we did.

Tante Daphne and oma: “But why a conversation after the kidnapping? The children were not there.”

Mrs. X.: ”We wanted to talk with mother about the accusations of father.”

Oma: “But what was the sense of it? Had it still any sense? Did you realize how ugly it was for her to tell she had borderline and was in prostitution while the school-director and Mrs. Van Heusden were there too?”

Tante Daphne: ” We all understand that there must be a conversation, but we don’t understand that this conversation must be just at that very moment, the moment that organizations said to my sister that it is hard to get back the children. As you look at it like that, then it is only kicking down my sister. This father faked this very well. He disappears. Then she got to hear from him: You will never see your children anymore and then she is accused in your conversation with her of abusing her children, for when you have borderline and was in the prostitution, it is possibly very clear that you abuse your children.”

And Mr. G. as her manager reacts: “The conversation was also important, because we must talk about the parental authority. Was it not a case for Child Protection, who ought to keep busy themselves with juridical matters?”

Tante Daphne: ”Why didn’t you say: there is assistance in the Netherlands and these assistants never perceived abuse. You are the only one who thinks like that.”

Mrs. X. “That is exactly the procedure. That comes when the inquiry has been started.”

Mr. G.: ”We receive reporting’s and we do inquiries after those reporting’s  and after those inquiries we come to a decision.”

Tante Daphne: “The protocol would be better when you first looked what needs priority in this situation.”

 

Lack of knowledge of kidnappings

I may continue to tell about how they always were saying they followed the rules, but that will become annoying for you. What was so striking and also so terrifying was their lack of knowledge how to handle in case of kidnappings. They totally didn’t know anything of it. They were only thinking in protocols and were not thinking themselves. Badly enough, these protocols will become their salvation later on, but now reactions of them in which they show they don’t know anything of kidnappings, while there was information about kidnappings at their office.

Mrs. X.: “First, father lodged the accusation anonymously. But we prefer to have an open conversation with both parents. And then we only heard that the father took the children with him.”

Oma: “The Boddaert was already afraid he would kidnap the children and at the Friday before the kidnapping he came with the Boddaert to ask for a hotel. Very strange, as he lived in the Netherlands for years.”

Mrs.X.: “ I think that he was growing afraid.”

Mr. G.: “Did the police say, that it was hard to get the children back? “

Tante Daphne: ”It was said by them, but also by several other organizations.”

Mrs. X.: “We didn’t hear that. I went to someone, who said you could get the children back quickly.”

Tante Daphne: “Quickly?”

Mrs. X.: “At any case in the long run. The accusations had been lodged and then he went away.”

Tante Daphne: ”Yes he did it brightly.”

Mr. X.: “Mrs. Van Heusden did say, she didn’t believe it immediately. She did not want to make a decision immediately. And then father got into a panic.”

Tante Daphne: “Straight. He knew it wasn’t true.”

 

In the next fragment of the conversation a terrifying lack of knowledge of kidnappings was showed too. Kidnappers often use accusations of abuse to cover their deed and brainwash their children saying to them that the partner staying behind was bad to them. In this case, Mrs. X. and Mr. G. were apt to believe the kidnapper, because she was diagnosed as a borderliner and was in prostitution.

Mrs. X.: “You wanted to keep a positive image of a loving father.”

Tante Daphne: “Not a conflict of loyalty for the children. How unpleasant that he caused that in only five weeks.”

Mrs. X.:” Yes how much he has…. The children should have declared they were abused. Yes, that was his motive.”

Tante Daphne: “Only Mirabelle in the Netherlands.”

Mrs. X.: “Mirabelle had requested him to go with him to America. It has been Mirabelle. That is what father says. We wanted to talk with the children. Father stopped that too.”

Of course the kidnapper stopped it, because I wonder if you would have said mamma and we abused you. Another story.

Tante Daphne: “But the worst is that father is pulling all strings. All Dutch organizations still have contact with him as if he didn’t kidnap the children.”

Mrs. X.: No, it is not decent to say so. He is the father of the children. At this moment he is the caretaker of the children. This all is an objective fact. I let know him that and then we close the case.

She clearly didn’t doubt the kidnapper’s motivations.

Mrs.X.: I said that he had taken the children unjustly. It is like that, of course. On the other side: he has always been a good father. Yes, Judith said that to the police too. That is contributory to how we look at this case.

Of course mamma wasn’t glad the kidnapper kidnapped you and of course she was flabbergasted by the false accusing of her by the kidnapper, while she trusted him that he won’t do anything to you. I wonder if mamma was still alive now she should still think the kidnapper a good father……

 

Borderline and prostitution

Of course we talked about mamma’s borderline and prostitution to realize how that influenced their view on why mamma should have abused you.

Oma: “Did you realize that a borderline patient might commit suicide in such a stress-situation?”

Mr. G.: “Do you know that there are lodged thousands or more complaints with us. Among them are many borderline patients. It is difficult to estimate how great the danger of abuse is for the children. We have to make an estimation on the base of indications. And there is a great gradation in the seriousness of borderliners. I mean, it is our experience that at the moment you are hesitating it may go wrong. You know of the case of Savanna. Her mother and stepfather also were borderliners.”

Further.

Oma: “Afterwards I wonder why father said she had borderline.”

Mrs. X.: “The accusation was that she was recently in the prostitution. For that….”

Oma and tante Daphne: “He used borderline and prostitution for his own purpose.”

 

Isolation

Since your mother died we were aware of being isolated. First signal was of course the letter school had written to the parents of the children who were in your classes, while mamma was still alive and was in hospital. Then, with my telephone-call with Suzanne V. , family-coach of the Boddaert, I realized she had already contact with your father, while we were not informed about that. Also Jeugdzorg had contact and more people. Read:

Tante Daphne: “Someone from the Netherlands passed on to the kidnapper that Judith committed suicide. For we didn’t pass it on.”

Mrs. X.: “I think….thought, but I don’t know for sure….I thought the police knew that. For the police said: ”it is passed on to father.” (strange, because the police never said so to us). But that I…should I…look at a certain moment there happened a lot. But I must read that back in the dossier. I did tell the father on the sixth of April, that Judith had died. I was called by the police. And what I did then was calling father to tell. The children were in America. He heard the news from me. I said: “do you know mother has died?” “Yes, he said.” I asked: “do you know when?” “No”, he said. Then I passed on that it was the thirtieth of March. I passed on that. I think it very important, because the children must know.”

Tante Daphne: “Of course we wanted to tell it to the children. There is much of a chance that this father didn’t tell it in a pleasant way to his children.”

Mrs. X.: “Look, the point is…. At a certain moment several things took place. The intention was that the children from school would send postcards to them.”

Oma: “Was that channel opened too?”

I was totally shocked, because Jeugdzorg decided that Boddaert, they themselves, school and also the children from your classes were allowed to have contact with you. We were totally excluded, as if we were a kind of criminals who permitted mamma to abuse you. Jeugdzorg totally ignored that you were kidnapped and brainwashed and that it was their first task to get you back.

 

Contact with the kidnapper

Tante Daphne: “How bad this all is. One must have had permission of us for a letter that school wrote. Judith was still alive. An illegal person can take his children in this way and assistance organizations know it and don’t do anything, have even still contact with him.”

Oma: “You must have taken a stand, in stead of having contact with him in this way. If you had helped us, maybe we really could do something for the children.”

Mrs. X.: “Do you mean that we could have worked together with your cousin Joleen. We are not allowed.”

Here the so-called protocol was brought up as later will be done many times, when we accuse them of mistakes.

Oma: “How many times did you have contact with the father?”

Mrs. X.: “Twice.”

Oma: “What was the first contact about?”

Mrs. X.: “Then he was in Boston.”

Oma: “And then he called you?”

Mrs. X.: “Yes, he tried to call us. And then at a certain moment I called myself and then he called again.”

Oma: “Was that call claiming?”

Mrs.X.: “No, he was somewhat calmer than in the Netherlands. Then he was compulsive. When he called from America, he wasn’t.”

Tante Daphne: “Then of course he has reached his target.”

 

Striking things the two then still expressed

When I analyze this conversation the two still said things, which they later certainly wouldn’t say anymore.

Mr. G.: “It is a drama, when you lose your mother and these children are sitting with an age-old sense of guilt”.

Later this will never more be said about us, as your family.

Mrs. X.: “Normally we see people who don’t treat their family well. You had a good contact with each other.”

And now a very important one.

Mrs. X.: “So afterwards you may conclude that we must not have done that like that. But that is afterwards.”

So, they admit they made a mistake. And after we exclaimed that the kidnapper used the borderline and prostitution for his own purpose Mrs. X. said:

Mrs. X.: “He used many things that were unjust. Indeed, he has used it in a way….”

And Mr. G. said this:

Mr. G.: “A sound thinking father will think it very important that his children will have contact with the family of the mother.”

Tante Daphne said mamma and William were not perfect, but didn’t abuse you. She said there was only a not perfect father and that mamma did her utmost.

Mr. G said:

Mr. G.: “We could not leave it like this. It is ill-making for the children. I agree with you that there are concerns and also that this is traumatically for the children.”

 

Lies

The striking things the two then still expressed will later be replaced by accusations towards mamma and us. Now already I can find lies in this conversation, later there will follow many more.

On the 26th of February, a substitute of Mrs. X. said to oma that the dossier was closed, but it wasn’t, because later Mrs. X. still had contact with the kidnapper.

Mrs. X said: “We are not allowed to ask dossiers. We first have to talk with the parents and then do inquiries. Calling organizations and so on”.

Later she said she had contact with the Boddaert.

Mr. G.: “We didn’t establish abuse. It is only lodged and we do an inquiry after it.”

Later on, they will even say that there was more reporting of accusations of abuse by mamma.

Oma: “What did you pass on to Mrs. R. from Child Protection Boston?”

Mrs. X.: “They wanted to know something of the authority. I passed on.”

Oma: “What did you pass on?”

Mrs. X.: “Exactly what you said, that mother had the only parental authority over Mirabelle and Robin and that there was a collective parental authority over Lucas.”

Here she was lying, because we were mistaken: mamma also had the only parental authority over Lucas. She was echoing us, so she didn’t talk about the parental authority.

She also said she spoke to the kidnapper about mamma’s death. Later she said something else.

Mrs. X.: “I did tell to father on the sixth of April, that Judith had died. I said: “do you know mother has died?” “Yes,” he said. I asked: “do you know when?” ”No”, he said. Then I passed on that it was the thirtieth of March.”

 

Jeugdzorg offers help

Mr. G. : “You don’t trust the catching up of Judith’s children is good. I will make an appointment with our juridical assistant to look what we can still do in the situation. That there will come a relation between you and the children again.  I think of someone of International Social Services, who will do an independent search after the situation in the States.”

We made the appointment to have another meeting within some weeks. Then we should talk about how we could get in contact with you. The next time I will write about our conversation with William and Susanne V. of the Boddaert.

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July 2018

July 2018

I realize that what I’m writing about must be very shocking for you. But now that you grow older you have to know that we didn’t and don’t forget you. Not at all. You have to know that we were busy for you all the time and that our actions were crossed every time. When you need us and write or call us we will react immediately, because we still feel responsible for you as children of our daughter. Not only that, we really miss you every day and would be so glad to have contact with you. That’s why I opened the comments possibility of threelittlebirds again, for if you want to react you have the possibility. If you need help, we will do all what is possible. Do know we still love you, miss you and will come or call as soon as you want us to. We love the three of you unconditionally as your aunt, sister of your mamma, and as your grand-parents, father and mother of your mamma.

 

So, the twentieth of April 2009 tante Daphne and I went to Jeugdzorg. Tante Daphne wore a jacket of mamma, because she wanted to speak also on behalf of mamma and show that mamma was symbolical present with this conversation. Opa stayed at home, because he was so angry that he thought he might commit an act of wanton carelessness when he saw Mrs. X. again. Tante Daphne and I were also angry, but felt strong. We realized that we hadn’t anything to lose, because we lost mamma and you already. When we entered the room where Mrs. X and her manager were, tante Daphne asked for attention and silence, because as she said “Jeugdzorg caused that we were condemned for a loss during all our life.” She was so courageous and ready for a heavy accusation towards the organization. The organization that could have prevented mamma’s death and your kidnapping if that organization knew the mechanics of kidnapping. They didn’t know at all. There tante Daphne started:

Tante Daphne told of the previous history of mamma. That at the age of thirteen mamma was raped and sexually ill-treated in a cruel way. Symptoms of that were a disturbed sexual image of herself and working in the prostitution. When mamma was twenty-three she met the kidnapper, your father, during a world tour. The kidnapper came to Europe and knew from people that mamma was in prostitution and was so angry with her about this and therefore pushed her to the extreme, so much that she became suicidal. Then the kidnapper sets himself up as her Savior and brings her to her parents. These parents were first very glad with this savior: he appeared to be a fascinating personality, entertaining conversations and interested in many subject. Until the kidnapper started to exaggerate mamma’s symptoms grossly, became paranoia and asked very much attention for himself.

The kidnapper and mamma got three children. Twice (in case of Mirabelle and Lucas) he did not believe he was the father, twice he demanded a DNA-test, and twice the test proved the child was his. So that means that he doubted mamma’s integrity.

Till Lucas was five months old, mamma and two children lived practically only with opa and oma. At first together with the kidnapper!

But then there is a quarrel with oma, when the kidnapper asserted in a horrible, nagging way that Mirabelle was not his. Reacting to this terrible behavior mamma became once more suicidal. Oma became very angry with the kidnapper, because of his paranoia behavior towards mamma.

After that quarrel the kidnapper left our house; he went to Antwerp in Belgium.

There are problems with Lucas. He was born one month too early. There doesn’t start an attachment between mother and child because of a stay of weeks in the hospital. Moreover, the attachment is also complicated because mamma projected the role of the rapist on him, which Mrs. B., family-therapist of the RIAGG Rotterdam, discovered.

When Lucas is five months old the family goes to Australia for a year.

 

And how was the situation in the Netherlands after the time in Australia?

Mamma organized a house in Rotterdam and started a study nursing. Besides that, she worked in the home care. The children went to the child care three days a week. The kidnapper took care of them during two days a week. When mamma came home she caught up the children again. Oma took care during one day a week, so that mamma could study. She, once a teacher at a primary school, was supported by her husband, who was a teacher, her daughter, who studied educational science and her sister, who was district nurse for youth affairs. So, all people who had to do with education. Together they supported mamma’s and the kidnapper’s family.

Mamma with her PTSS had difficulties to offer structure to the children while the kidnapper, once diagnosed as depressive, was passively watching CNN during the night and often taking a nap, as soon as mamma came home. Beside this, the kidnapper had the characteristics of a narcistic personality, thinking himself to be very important, quarrelling with among others school, institutions, people from the neighborhood and with people from mamma’s social network, thinking it quite normally that mamma did her study and worked for the money. As an illegal he took advantage of mamma’s study loan and other loans.

Mamma’s family saw some difficulties: Mirabelle struggling with her loyalty towards her father and mother. By the strongly negative and declining behavior of the kidnapper towards mamma’s family she lived in two worlds: a world with her father and a world of her mother with her mother’s social network. This conflict of loyalty often was strengthened by the kidnapper attacking her mother when she felt unstable. “Look”, the kidnapper then said to his children “your mother is really mad!”

About Lucas also we had our concerns. Mirabelle was the kidnapper’s favorite, Robin was his mother’s favorite and Lucas fell in between, often blamed for things and punished by his parents. That’s why he reacted strongly and became unmanageable. That’s why the family urged mamma to ask for professional help for Lucas. From that moment there was professional help in the family: RIAGG, play therapist, family coach, Boddaert.

Then came the clash of the relation of mamma and the kidnapper and with the help of a mediator the kidnapper and mamma broke off their relation. The mediator advised the kidnapper to return to the States, so that the source of stress would disappear. In the Summer holiday, they would speak how to go on further.

In the early part of February 2007, the kidnapper left for the States. After the break mamma reverted to her former life: back into the prostitution because of fear she wouldn’t earn enough to provide for her children. Oma contacted RIAGG.

In May 2007 the kidnapper returned to the Netherlands. Then only he recognized the children as his own and then it appeared suddenly that he changed their last name from “Van der Stoep” into “Spitzer”. But he didn’t have parental authority over the children. Mamma had the only parental authority.

The kidnapper came two times a year for about four weeks to the Netherlands. Mamma organized the tickets for his journey and he could stay freely in her apartment, while she stayed with her family, or later with William. Mamma and the kidnapper regularly talked about the possibility to educate their children together and about the kidnapper’s possible return to the Netherlands. After every visit of the kidnapper to the Netherlands Mirabelle reproached her mother to have sent her father away.

On May the 27th 2008 Lucas’ play therapist wondered if the kidnapper would have plans to kidnap the children, because he changed the second name of the children. Mamma and her family didn’t think he would do that…….

It went better and better with the children. Mamma and oma, together with the help of the Boddaert, worked hard at it. Also, the kidnapper saw that it went better with the children and that they were quieter and that it also went better with Lucas. Mamma had a job in a nursing home and had a serious relation with William. They wanted going to live together in April 2009.

 

The kidnapping

From the 16th of January 2009 the kidnapper stayed again freely in mamma’s apartment. He knew that mamma was going to live with her children with William. At start of February mamma was asked to come for a conversation at school to talk about the results of arithmetic of Mirabelle.

 

Monday the sixteenth of February 2009

A month after the arrival of the kidnapper in the Netherlands, mamma is called in the middle of the night. The kidnapper has said to her: “If school calls, you have to say that there is nothing the matter”. Mamma is alert by the strange point of time and kept on asking. It appeared the kidnapper kidnapped the children to the States. He was very aggressive towards mamma.

Mamma went to the police and had made up a process verbal and went working very hard to get back the children. Because she suspected the kidnapper needed money she called the police in Boston, who called the kidnapper’s father and heard the kidnapper took on the phone. And the police really found the children with the kidnapper’s father.

From institutions with knowledge of kidnappings mamma got to hear that it would be difficult to get the children back. That it would cost time and a lot of money. In the States they work a lot with lawyers and mamma hadn’t money for that.

Mamma’s family went working like a crisis team: oma and sister went to school to ask for help. Maybe they saw already striking things with the children? The school director, however, received them with a very repulsive behavior: not shocked or cooperative but only referring to the conversation which would take place the other day at school. Mamma learned there was lodged a complaint against her with Jeugdzorg. She received a call from a pediatrician from Boston. The pediatrician didn’t see any sign of abuse and advised mamma to come to Boston as quick as possible to keep up the pressure. Mamma didn’t get any contact with the kidnapper and the kidnapper’s father.

 

Tuesday the seventeenth of February 2009

A day after mamma heard her children were kidnapped and had learnt that it would cost time and money to get back the children and that maybe she would never see back her children, mamma had her conversation at school with Mrs. X. of Jeugdzorg. This conversation didn’t take place at a neutral location and in the presence of the school director and Mrs. Van Heusden. The conversation is very confronting and started with questions about her past in the prostitution and her borderline diagnose. After that followed a lot of complaints of the kidnapper, Mirabelle and Robin. Mamma and her parents repudiated all the accusations, but it is impossible to prove it because the children were in the States.

In the evening mamma was called by another so-called pediatrician from Boston. This one asserted to have found “significant marks of child abuse”. She said all three children asserted to have been beaten by mamma and all three children didn’t want to return to mamma. An hour later mamma committed suicide. The family and friends found her the next morning. She was in a heavy permanent coma.

 

Contacts with assistance organizations

The parents of mamma were approached by Child protection Boston. Oma wanted so dearly that the image of the loving mother would be recovered by telling by telephone how mamma loved them. She could also tell them then that mamma was very ill and would die.

The next day (February 26) oma called Jeugdzorg in the Netherlands. She asked Jeugdzorg to take over the communication with Child protection Boston and the kidnapper in the States, because together with her dying daughter that would to be too much for her. A substitute for Mrs. X. said that the dossier had been closed because the children were in the States.

Mamma’s family didn’t get any contact with the children. Mamma’s parents asked oom Lo to function as spokesman. An extensive mail-correspondence started with Child protection Boston. Our niece Joleen and her husband René made the appointment to travel to the States to tell the children personally how their mother was. At a neutral location and in the presence of an interpreter for the kidnapper and professional assistance for the children. When all the measures were taken to hold this meeting, the kidnapper said he did not want this conversation. This was the evening before Joleen and René should go to the airport…

On February the 27th we learnt that Jeugdzorg Nederland informed the kidnapper about the situation of mamma. Later they lied about this message: they never did something like this…

The kidnapper reacted to the pile of mails to him with one mail, negative of course.

Mamma died on the thirtieth of March 2009.

The assistance organizations in the Netherlands neither informed after mamma’s situation nor offered help to mamma’s family.

School- without asking permission to mamma or her legal representatives- gave a letter to the pupils of the classes of mamma’s children with false information.

From two calls with Boddaert and Jeugdzorg it appeared that these organizations had contact with the kidnapper and excluded mamma’s family. Boddaert knew in some way how strange the kidnapper behaved and didn’t inform mamma.

 

Conclusions

Mamma and her children were assisted intensely by assistance organizations. None of these organizations ever signaled the children were beaten or abused by mamma in some way. School never suspected mamma of abusing her children too.

What we see is a classical case, said Daphne: mother and children are going to form a new family with a new partner. This gives some stress with the children. The biological father is afraid to be sidelined and start to cut capers. The teachers at school had all information to make this simple conclusion. Jeugdzorg Nederland too had more dossiers about this family and must have had doubts on the basis of available data. Our family came to the conclusion that school and Jeugdzorg had manipulated themselves by this man and overestimated the terms “borderline” and “prostitute”. School and Jeugdzorg Nederland pushed mamma to her act of despair.

School and Jeugdzorg Nederland failed in their main task: protecting children.

 

Children concerned:

Children in the classes of Mirabelle, Lucas and Robin received a letter full of lies. Is that sensible?

My son Finn didn’t learn anything of his nephews and niece and was not offered any help.

And the most horrible of all: three Dutch children have been kidnapped to a foreign country under the control of school, Boddaert and Jeugdzorg. The children have had to testify against their own mother. Snatched from their well-known surroundings, school, friends, language. Not any contact with their attachment-figures. Lost their mother.

 

Tante Daphne, in mamma’s jacket, delivered this record in such a way that there was a long silence when she stopped. She was like a person who had delivered a captive lecture, her eyes wide-opened, her expression of someone who is within her rights, struggling for her little sister who she always protected, her little sister who was blamed in such a terrible way, the children of her little sister, who were taken illegally to the States.

 

 

 

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Robin

Robin

Happy birthday and many happy returns of the day!

Fifteen years already. You were only five when we saw you for the last time. You were that smiling boy who looked so happy as on this photo. Your mum was fond of you and didn’t want to lose you. We wish you a happy year with lots of friends and good events.

Do you know that your age of fifteen can be divided by five and that that is three times your age when you went to the States? And it is nearly ten years, so two times five that you left Holland. And when it is exactly ten years your Dutch citizenship will expire. We have got mamma’s passport in which you are registered eventually to extend your Dutch citizenship. Mrs. Hermie de Voer and Thomas van Houwelingen are lawyers, who can tell you more about it.

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June 2018

June 2018

Keys to understand our actions to do something for the three of you

I try to give you some keys of qualities of people we had to deal with after the death of mamma. I will describe some terrible qualities in the frame-work of the kidnapping, also good qualities. For the time being these are the keys:

Lack of professional knowledge: it struck me how many people of organizations which have to deal with care for children didn’t know anything of how to act in situations of a kidnapping. The biggest mistake in your case was made by Mrs. X and her manager of Jeugdzorg (youth welfare), who gave priority to accuse mamma instead of taking care of it that the three of you would come back to Holland as soon as possible. Only after the possible return of the three of you Jeugdzorg might have done a research after mamma.

Hypocritical: I still can remember, the manager of Mrs. X said he felt so responsible for what had happened to you. He only said so, he didn’t do anything for you. Worse, he and Mrs. X. were crossing our actions to do something for you.

Mean: not many people are honest and dare say they have made terrible mistakes by which are created the most horrible situations. Here I must think of Mrs. X. and her manager, but also at Mrs. B. of de Raad voor de Kinderbescherming (Child Protection) Nederland. They hide themselves behind rules. Or….we even met people who try to take advantage of our situation. Now I think of Mrs. V of the International Social Services.

Cold, not interested and only thinking of juridical rules: I have immediately to think of the judges of the Raad van State, who thought the kidnapper is a client of Jeugdzorg, who ought to have the rights which belong to clients of Jeugdzorg. Or I think of the lawyer of the Raad voor de Kinderbescherming, who said it was mamma’s wish that after her death you would go to your biological father. She totally neglected the kidnapping as did the lawyers of the Raad van State. The National Ombudsman criticized the lawyer of Childprotection for that superficial conclusion and came with another juridical article. He said that she judged imprudently on behalf of the three of you.

Not responsible: the organizations or people who don’t take responsibility for their acts, so that not any organization doesn’t take the real responsibility for a dramatic situation. Mostly, these organizations protect themselves by bureaucratic rules, which made me even cynical because these rules didn’t cover a kidnapping. But stupid enough society accepts it, because there are simply no measures or rules to prevent kidnapping. So, an organization can always hide itself with rules which are not meant for situations of kidnapping. Once again I have to think of Jeugdzorg, Kinderbescherming and the Dutch government. You will learn it by this record.

Coward: we met people we asked to act, to do something, connected with the kidnapping. When it came too close to them, because they had to give their opinion or to do something to improve the situation, they withdrew. Now I have to think of the two headmasters of your schools. When they had really something done for you, it might have been totally different for you. How? I will tell you.

Courageous: people who helped us courageously, tremendously important in situations we had ended up in. I think of Anne van den Berg of Centrum Internationale Kinderontvoering (Centre for Parental Child Abduction), who helped us with her social network of so many juridical persons to undertake so many actions to try to do something for you. I think of Bas de Groot, a lawyer, who helped us freely to take legal actions against Jeugdzorg and proceeded with the judge in administrative Law and the judges of the Raad van State. I think of Leopold Hertzberger, the doctor who finished the drip-feed of mamma, the first time it was done in the hospital where he worked. All the three took risks to support us and that was really great. We owe them so much.

Kafka

Do you know the author Kafka? He wrote novels where the principal persons ended up in situations like we did: mamma, the three of you and opa, tante Daphne and I were the victims of a terrible situation. There is one person who is the offender and there are victims. But the situation changes in such a way, often by stupid bureaucracy, that the offender is treated like the victim and the victim is treated like the offender. Kafkaesque, try to remember that word, because that is and was exactly the situation in which we found ourselves at so many moments. Opa and I so often said the situation was Kafkaesque. And that Kafkaesque situation had developed by lack of knowledge, hypocrisy, meanness, not taking responsibility, cold immoral and lazy judging and cowardice.

Back to the situation after mamma’s death

Now I start the long and very complicated record of what we tried to do for you, but also to rehabilitate mamma.

Was I euphoric after the warm farewell-assembly of mamma, soon I became more than angry of everything that had gone totally wrong. In a more than emotional time we lost four persons. Not only mamma, as Mrs. R. of the Boston Harbor Department said without thinking further, but also you. From the mails and connections with the kidnapper we already feared that the three of you were brainwashed, but later it appeared you really were. That made it hard for us to contact you, while there was a time I came three days a week with you to take care of you, so that we were so familiar with each other. It was the time we shared so much time. We celebrated birthdays, Christmas, Saint Nicholas and all those special days together. And all of a sudden it was finished. We were cut off, you of us and we of you, by a terrible drama. Up till now I don’t know if you still believe all those terrible things about mamma and us. The first thing we wanted to do was rehabilitating mamma. Poor mamma was accused of things she never did. We thought when mamma was rehabilitated we could say to America: “Look, she is innocent. The kidnapper had no right to take the three of you.” That was simply thought, but not simply done: we were confronted with stupid bureaucracy…

Letter of school

I still remember while I was biking to and from Lage Zwaluwe on the ninth of April 2009 (six days after the farewell of mamma), that I became so angry with Mr. Van de Loosdrecht, who accepted that that terrible conversation with mamma was held at his school, one day after you were kidnapped. When mamma was alive and in hospital, he sent a letter to the parents of the children of your classes. In that letter he wrote that the three of you returned to the States, while you never lived in the States. The first thing I did, when I arrived at home that day, was calling him and ask him for the letter, and tell him that we still hadn’t any contact with you, and that it was already more than seven weeks ago we saw you and that this terrible conversation never should be held at school at that very moment, because it was the trigger to mamma’s suicide. OK, he was flabbergasted because of my anger and because of what I said. This was his letter:

This letter made opa and me so angry, because the kidnapping was totally neglected. Worse, he said it went well with you. And you were kidnapped and mamma was dying! That is not good of course! And then the referring to private circumstances is more than cowardly. Mr. Van de Loosdrecht ought to have taken his responsibility and should have said to everyone that the three of you were kidnapped! But now rumors went around that mamma died of a cerebral hemorrhage and that the kidnapper took you with him to the States. How cowardly and irresponsibly of this schoolmaster!

Suzanne V. of the Boddaert

I wanted to talk with officials knowing mamma and the three of you. The family-coach Mrs. Suzanne V. still talked with mamma when mamma was still alive that very Monday the 16th of February 2009. She said to mamma she didn’t abuse you, because Boddaert never found that.

Only we didn’t get your telephone-number

I called Suzanne on Tuesday the fourteenth of April. We had a small talk in which she told among others that the kidnapper asked the Boddaert still for a hotel, just before he kidnapped the three of you. The kidnapper said that Robin was afraid mamma would become angry with him, because of what he told about William and mamma. “That’s already kidnapping”, tante Daphne reacted, “why on earth did Boddaert not warn Judith to say her that M. was behaving very strange?”

Suzanne also told that she had a telephone-call with the kidnapper. She also told that Mrs. X. of Jeugdzorg called with the kidnapper and probably school too. It was Mrs. X. of Jeugdzorg who had the telephone-number. It was Mrs. X. of Jeugdzorg who gave the telephone-number to the Boddaert and school. It was Mrs. X. of Jeugdzorg who decided that it was better we won’t receive your telephone-number. It was Mrs. X of Jeugdzorg who already then started to cross our actions.

I asked Suzanne to beseech the kidnapper not to destroy your image of mamma as a caring and loving mother. Because I trusted the Boddaert, I asked for a conversation with them to hear everything that happened before and after the kidnapping. Without delay she wrote:

 

April the fourteenth 2009

Beste mevrouw Van der Stoep,

Ik heb zojuist toestemming gekregen van mijn leidinggevende om met u een gesprek te plannen. Ik heb William een mail gestuurd met het verzoek te kijken wanneer hij zou kunnen. Zodra dit bekend is neem ik weer contact met u op.

 Verder heb ik geprobeerd contact te krijgen met de vader van Lucas, maar dat is niet gelukt. Ik heb ons adres ingesproken en de hoop uitgesproken dat hij opnieuw contact met mij opneemt.

Groet,

Suzanne V.

So, she tried to have a new contact with the kidnapper, but didn’t succeed that day. She got permission to have a conversation with us.

On Thursday the sixteenth of April 2009 at 17.17, she wrote the following:

Beste mevrouw Van der Stoep,

William en ik hebben onze agenda’s naast elkaar gelegd. We kunnen met u een gesprek hebben op vrijdag 24 april om 13.15 uur op het Boddaertcentrum.

Inmiddels heb ik M. gesproken. M. is op de hoogte van het overlijden van Judith. Hij heeft de kinderen ook geïnformeerd. Ik had trouwens de indruk dat hij dat niet wist van een e-mail, maar van een Amerikaanse en daarna van een Nederlandse instantie.

Ik heb hem gezegd dat u het heel belangrijk vindt dat de kinderen een positief beeld van Judith hebben, en dat ze weten dat ze heel veel van hen gehouden heeft.

Ik hoop dat er een moment komt dat jullie met elkaar en met de kinderen kunnen communiceren. M. meldde dat Mirabel van plan is een brief naar jullie te schrijven.

Volgens M. heeft u zijn e-mail adres. Via dat mailadres is hij bereikbaar.

Met vriendelijke groet,

Suzanne V.

So, we had an appointment on the 24th of April. It looked like as if the kidnapper permitted us to take contact with you. That’s why tante Daphne wrote a mail on behalf of Finn. I wonder if you ever read this mail:

April the sixteenth 2009 at 21.31

Lieve Mirabel, Lucas en Robin,

Kirse en ik zorgen heel goed voor jullie cavia’s! Ze staan naast het hok van Flo en Fluis. Ik geef ze elke dag voer en ook witlof en peen. Eerst piepten ze niet, maar nu heel erg veel.. Ze vinden mij heel lief.

Ik heb met Pasen 12 eieren gevonden! Kirse maar 8. Hoeveel paaseieren hebben jullie gevonden?

Kirse is gisteren naar de kapper geweest. Ze heeft nu heel kort haar. Ze hoefde niet te huilen toen de kapper haar knipte. Aan het eind kreeg ze een snoepje.

Vinden jullie het moeilijk om Engels te praten? Ik heb een paar woordjes Engels geleerd: yes en no en icecream.

Ik heb vandaag bij een vriendje gespeeld. Het was heel leuk. We hebben met de auto’s gespeeld. Hebben jullie ook nieuwe vriendjes?

Mailen jullie zo snel mogelijk terug?

Dikke kus van Finn

And I wrote this short mail to the kidnapper on the nineteenth of April 2009 at 14.53  

M.,

I should like to send a mail to Mirabelle, Lucas and Robin. Is that possible? And will you please let them answer this mail?

Heleen

Neither Finn nor I got an answer. It was not possible to communicate with you, contrary to what the kidnapper asserted. But now back to the record.

When tante Daphne learnt that the Boddaert wanted to have a conversation with us, she shouted: “You must also ask for a conversation with Jeugdzorg. We must show them the damage they did to our family.” I immediately called Mrs. X and made an appointment for the twentieth of April 2009.

I went with tante Daphne to Jeugdzorg. Opa was not able to go, because in his anger he feared he would attack Mrs. X, with negative consequences for our case. But tante Daphne was a great support for me, because just like mamma she was able to say sharply what had gone wrong. But I will tell about that the other time.

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May 2018

Mamma’s prognosis was zero

In hospital the doctors saw that mamma’s situation was really bad. Her prognosis to recover was zero. She never would be able anymore to talk to you or us anymore. We were said that she would die within a year or more. She was in a vegetative coma and would not awake. It was so sad. Poor William was so sad. He bought a house for mamma and you. And now suddenly he was all alone. I thought of you in that time and wondered if you realized already that you would never see your mother anymore.

Harbor Department of Children Boston

On the twenty fifth of February 2009 Child Protection Boston called. The woman on the phone said she was called by the police before. The police was still called by mamma, when it appeared the kidnapper took you with him to Boston. They asked me if mamma was there. I said mamma was not able to come on the phone, because she was dying. I gave the phone to opa, who said the kidnapper had an ill mind and that he is only out to destroy our daughter. That alas he well succeeded in destroying mamma.

Jeugdzorg closed the dossier

I realized I was not able to do anything for you, because you were brainwashed and really believed mamma abused you. It was so hard, while at the same time mamma was dying and we were convinced she loved you. I realized too that it was too heavy for opa and me, while mamma was dying to deal with the kidnapper, who had taken so much from us. At that time we were too emotionally to talk with him.

That’s why I asked Jeugdzorg to do something for you. “The dossier has been closed”, they said, “because the case takes place in America.

The kidnapper called

When we returned home after a terrible day in hospital, the phone was ringing. It was the kidnapper: “How is Judith?” I answered: “I am not able to tell you anything about it. You left a terrible mess. How are the children?” “They are fine,” he answered. I said him, that mamma loved you. I said him that I always cared you well, that everyone in Holland loved you. I handed over the phone to opa, but also opa was not able to tell him anything. Shouted: “Are you so stupid, that you don’t understand what happened after you have taken the children to America? And then the kidnapper threw the phone down the receiver.

Then Harbor Department called. “If you are not able to tell the kidnapper about your daughter, who will do it then?”

Spokesman and spokeswoman

Mamma’s hospital advised us to appoint a spokesman, who would have contact with the Harbor Department of Children Boston. I immediately thought of oom Lo: honest, intelligent and having studied in the States in the past. He did it and up till now I am thankful to him he did. He immediately wrote a mail to the kidnapper at the fifth of March:

Dear Mr. S,

On behalf of Arie and Heleen van der Stoep I have the following request. For the time being: please do not try to contact them by phone.

At the moment we are discussing “when and how” we are able to give you information about her situation.

Regards,

Lo Blok (brother in law of Arie and Heleen)

And to Mrs. R of the Harbor Department I said that Joleen, the daughter of oom Lo, offered me to help us if necessary. I thought her able to go to you in Boston to tell first to you, how mamma was. She directly wanted to do it and made a proposal to come with René, her husband. She also did this proposal to the kidnapper on the fifth of March:

Hi M,

Following my father’s email. I would like to let you know that my husband and I are considering coming over to Boston next week.

I am a cousin of Judith, and although we have never met, your children are well-acquainted with ours. Mirabelle has even spent a weekend or so at our place, about a year ago. Considering the nature of the news that we will bring and its implications, Arie and Heleen strongly prefer that someone tells the children in person what has happened, rather than over the phone. At present, they themselves are unable to make this trip and my husband and I have offered to take their place.

We have been in contact with Ms. R, and she has kindly offered meeting facilities at her office. We propose that we meet you and the children there next Monday. It is important for us that we can bring our message to your children without interruption. We strongly prefer to do so in Dutch, because we are more comfortable in that language. We hope you can agree to both these conditions. If so, you are most welcome to be present at this meeting; the children will rely heavily on your support. We promise that we will provide you with an English translation asap, perhaps simultaneously.

As I indicated above, Judith’s condition will have consequences for the lives of Mirabelle, Lucas and Robin -and for you.

We hope we can meet you again on Tuesday at the same place to discuss these consequences and to look together for ways that will least affect all of you. We will fly home Tuesday night.

Please respond to this message asap. We will wait for your answer before booking our tickets, but since we are planning on flying on Saturday already, we need to act quickly now. I’ll cc this email to Mrs. R and ask her to try and contact you by phone to discuss the above, just to have a back-up plan of action in case you have no access to your mail.

Regards: also on behalf of my husband René Tolboom,

Joleen Blok, mother of Ymke and Simon

And then

We were so glad Joleen and René would go to Boston to tell you how mamma was and also to organize that you could be with mamma’s cremation.  I wrote this letter, which Joleen would read out to you:

Hooge Zwaluwe, 6 maart 2009

 

Lieve Belletje Bel, Lucky Luc en Robbie,

 

Wat vreselijk erg hè, dat mamma nooit meer beter zal worden. Alle mensen die veel van mamma houden, zoals opa, oma, tante Daphne, oom Leander, tante Rens, tante Ischa en tante Femke en heel veel anderen hebben nu vreselijk veel verdriet om haar. Met elkaar zullen we heel goed voor haar zorgen. Vlak voordat mamma zo ziek werd, heeft ze ons nog verteld dat ze heel veel van jullie houdt.

 

Finn en Kirse zorgen voor Willem en Sjaakie. Tante Daphne heeft tegen hen gezegd, dat ze dat voor jullie in de plaats moeten doen. Finn en Kirse zorgen er goed voor. Ze geven hun nu elke dag groente, kaviavoer, nieuw hooi en vers water. En ze mogen elke dag lekker buiten hun hok rennen en spelen. En als het warmer wordt mogen ze buiten in de tuin bij tante Daphne en oom Leander lopen. Het hok van Willem en Sjaakie staat nu naast het hok van Flinder en Fluis. En oom Leander gaat hun hok nog mooier maken.

 

En tante Rens krijgt volgende week een puppy. Het is een vrouwtje. Tante Rens geeft haar de naam Mira, zodat we jullie nooit vergeten. We denken elke dag aan jullie.

 

Dikke kus,

 

Oma

 

En heel veel kusjes, knuffeltjes, groetjes van

 

Opa, tante Daphne, oom Leander, Finn, Kirse, tante Rens, tante Ischa, tante Femke, oom Lo, tante Domien, Ymke, Simon, tante Marijke, oom Aad, oom Guus, tante Fennie, tante Diane, juf Anita, juf Tijmine, juf Petra, juf Ute, juf Francina, juf Deanne, juf Erika en al jullie vriendjes en vriendinnetjes hier in Nederland.

In the letter I put this beautiful photo of mamma, so that you would have a photo of her.

The meeting at the office of the Harbor Department at Boston

So Child Protection Boston wanted to organize a meeting between you, papa and Joleen and René at their office. At first Joleen would inform you about the sad situation of mamma and then the kidnapper would be informed.

Opa and I fetched your white bear Mirabelle, and your dinosaur Lucas, and your elephant Dombo Robin at the Frank van der Goesstraat. Joleen and René should give them to you, because they were your cuddly animals.

Joleen and René would come to us to speak through everything concerning the three of you. But they came later than was arranged. The kidnapper tried dragging his feet. He doesn’t want to come to the office of the Child Protection, but wanted to hear directly how it was with mamma, so that he could tell it to you. We preferred to tell it first to you, because we were afraid the kidnapper would tell the bad news without saying to you how mamma loved you, but would say something that she fortunately was dead or something like that.

Joleen presented the kidnapper an ultimatum. If the kidnapper has not called before that time, they won’t come. The kidnapper didn’t call. The organized appointment won’t take place to the great  irritation of Mrs. R.

Joleen mailed that I was so concerned about you. Mrs. R asked if it was useful to warn Interpol. That was the last mamma and we wanted, because else you wouldn’t have a father either. Because then the kidnapper would be imprisoned.

So the cuddly animals, letters and photos for you were left here and they still are here waiting for you in the literature basket.  And….the other day Mrs. G, the colleague of Mrs. R, went to your grandfather’s house in Boston, because I was so concerned about you. She got the sense that “ the kidnapper was trying to keep the best interest of the children first and foremost.” It calmed me down in some way, although it were only words and not actions already of his side.

Jeugdzorg told the kidnapper how mamma was

Jeugdzorg Nederland said to us the kidnapping of you was a case for America and closed the dossier, but…..when the kidnapper called Jeugdzorg Mrs. X told how mamma was. I was so upset. I didn’t understand. How was that possible? Why does Jeugdzorg take no contact with America to do something for you and why do they tell the kidnapper how mamma was. Did they really think mamma/we were abusing you? They didn’t have any fact that mamma or we did so.

We didn’t hear anything from Jeugdzorg, from school, from the Boddaert, when mamma was dying, while her death was so sad and the accusations against her so mean. School gave a letter to the parents of the children from your classes. The mother of William learnt that school did so. School didn’t talk about kidnapping in that letter, but about returning of you to the States. We were so upset. Why did school say return in stead of that you were kidnapped?

After the doctor finished the drip-feed of mamma

Opa and I didn’t want mamma lied in a vegetative coma with a prognosis of awaking never anymore. We asked for finishing the drip-feed. It was hard to succeed to get permission for that. We know for sure mamma never wanted to live like a plant. She also wrote it in a paper for her study to become a nurse. On Sunday the twenty second of March dr. Leopold Hertzberger finished the drip-feed as he said in the TV-program, which is made about mamma’s death.

Opa and I went to the housing-corporation of your apartment. We organized that the apartment would be resigned per April the seventeenth.

Femke and Ischa decided to start a website, so that you would always be able to google on Judith’s or your own name and know there is waiting family and friends who love you in the Netherlands. For me it is a possibility to be still busy with the three of you. I really think of you every day and miss you very much.

The kidnapper didn’t answer. Oom Lo asked your American grandfather to intermediate and your grandfather answered:

Dear Mr. Blok,

In response to your message, I can only say that I have no authority over my son M’s decisions.

Sincerely,

A

The day mamma died

And when mamma died the thirtieth of March I wrote Mrs. R in the evening:

Maandag March the thirtieth 2009 19.29

Dear Mrs. R,

This morning Judith died. We should like to inform our grandchildren with the enclosed mourning card. In this card is written that Judith loved her children with all her heart. For us it is very important that this card is handed to the children. Is it possible that Mrs. G hands it to them and supports them after the bad news?

Thanking you in advance,

Heleen and Arie, grandparents.

She answered us this at March the thirtieth 2009 20.44:

Dear Helen and Arie,

I’m so sorry about Judith and please accept our condolences. We can only pass this information on to M via e-mail as the children are no longer in Boston. Again, we’re very sorry for your loss.

Warm regards,

Mrs. R

I answered very upset at March the thirtieth 2009 21.10:

Dear Nancy,

Do you know where M and the children are now? Did you lose control, or is your organization able to trace them and to take care of the children?

Regards,

Heleen and Arie

She answered at March the thirtieth 21.29:

Dear Helen and Arie,

There are laws about confidentiality that restrict me from telling you where M is without his permission. We do know where he and the children are and we are in contact with him. I’m sorry but that is the most I can tell you.

Kind regards,

Mrs. R

I answered at 22.21:

Dear Mrs. R,

After all we have experienced with M, I don’t want to send him the card. I cannot trust him and I feel very upset, that we don’t know anything of the children. Can you imagine what we experienced since that 16th of February? What can your organization still do for us? And for the contact of us with the children?

Today I lost my daughter, and also my three grand-children.

Heleen

At 22.56 Mrs. R answered:

Dear Heleen,

I really don’t believe you have lost your grandchildren although I can certainly empathize with why you would feel this way. I an not sure if you know this or not, but Judith was very clear when she spoke to our investigators that she did not have concerns about Mark’s parenting abilities. She was not happy he left the country but she did not want us to remove the children from his care. He is giving us every reason to believe that he is taking good care of the children. He had them enrolled in school and he is seeking counseling support for them as well. He also seems to understand the need to maintain their connection with you which we encourage every time we speak to him. I wish there was more that I could tell you. I am consulting our attorney regularly to be sure I am giving you as much information as is possible.

Kind regards,

Mrs. R

It seemed Mrs. R and Mrs. G trusted the kidnapper totally and they were convinced he would do everything he could to maintain the contact between you and us. Then I knew already he wouldn’t. I answered at Tuesday the thirty first at 9.33:

Dear Mrs. R,

I understand from your mail that you are restricted by the attorney of M, because we really cannot believe that the Children’s  Protection Organization in America can say that  a kidnapper of his own children can be a good parent. I feel so miserable about him, because he ill-treated my daughter by falsely promising her to come and live in Holland to share the upbringing of the children with her. In stead he was making plans to kidnap the children, while Judith gave him all her trust. She also gave him the hospitality to live in her apartment. While he lived in her house he spread horrible lies about her to the Children’s Protection Organization in Holland and before Judith could defend herself took the children with him to America. I saw how much the children loved Judith and all of a sudden, in five weeks’ time they were under the care of M, they were making weird accusations about their mum. It makes it worse, because although we didn’t really trust M, we always tried to keep the image of M as a loving father, so that the children could unrestrictedly love their father. By the way, Judith told the investigators that she didn’t believe M would sexually or physically harm the children.

The last telephone call with Mrs. Sonia Lewin to Judith is an obsession for me. That telephone-call with Sonia was her trigger to commit suicide. I cannot believe that it is permitted in America that any pediatrician is allowed to give directly such information in a telephone-call without interaction with the judicial power.

You wrote: “he also seems to understand the need to maintain their connection with you.” Up till now he prevented all the attempts of Lo and Joleen to make an opening for communication between us and the children. The children are already almost  seven weeks in America! We think it is very harming for the children that they don’t hear anything from Judith and us. You must admit that M’s behavior to us up till now is giving us the idea that he is brainwashing the children. I cannot afford, like M with the money of his father , an attorney to defend our daughter. I feel he was and is playing a game of power, first to Judith and later to us. I don’t want to continue that game. My wish is that we hear every now and then something of the children: are they at school as you said, are they happy, do they know that their mother loved them very, very much and that we are missing them very much? The problem is that there was always a split between M (caused by M, because I am the last one who wanted that split) and us, as was explained by the background history of Lo and Joleen Blok. We don’t want to continue splitting the loyalty of the children. Therefore I have the strange and unbelievable feeling that it is better that we leave them to M so that they don’t have to choose between M and us. The only thing we need to know is that M doesn’t ill-treat the loving image of their mum and us. By M’s last actions I have the idea that he ill-treated that image by continuing and showing paranoia behavior.

You can understand that after our daughter’s death, caused by M’s paranoia behavior, it is very difficult, even impossible, to communicate with M and trust M. But even now we don’t want to ill treat the image of a loving father for the children. That is our dilemma and also the dilemma for the children, because they are too young to confront them with that dilemma.

The only thing I want at the moment is telling Mirabelle, Lucas and Robin that Judith has died, or that someone else tells this message. We are so desperate that the children were excluded of the death of their mother.

Kind regards,

Heleen

And Mrs. R wrote this unbelievable mail at 16.47, in which she stated among others that M didn’t kidnap you! She made a big mistake! Even greater of the attorney of the Harbor Department! Why? Only because we didn’t want the kidnapper would be imprisoned, because then you wouldn’t have a father either!!!

Dear Heleen,

M’s attorney is not advising us. We have our attorney. M was never charged with kidnapping. The FBI could not arrest M due to the fact that there was no complaint filed with Interpol and we had Judith telling us that she had “no  concerns about M’s parenting abilities.” I am sorry we can’t do more. Even if M was still in Massachussetts, we would not be able to tell the children about Judith without telling him first. As their father he has the right to know what his children will be told and since we don’t have custody we have no choice but to respect that .I know all of this is very upsetting and I truly feel quite sorry that I can’t do more for you.

Kind regards,

Mrs. R

 

 

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